Laughter, There Is Nothing Quite Like It!

I think it was about 3 months ago that my Crackberry's software fried (again) and I was talked into an Iphone (with what the sales rep called a "rollcage for your phone", an OtterBox, best case ever!). I didn't think I would like it and really assumed I would be using my 30 day return/exchange rights. (The newer Crackberry was the exact same price as the brand new Iphone, so I took a chance.)

Well turns out I love my new phone! The touch screen is different than what I was used to, but even with my big fingers I can handle texting no problem.

Now what does this all have to do with laughter you ask? Well, the Iphone has a very unique spellcheck program system called Auto Correct. Luckily the problems I have had seem to only happen while I am texting my children. A friend sent me the link to this website, Damn You Auto Correct . My son was asleep on my lap, so I clicked over and started reading. I ended up laughing so hard I was actually crying! Now I will warn you that this is not a child friendly site, but not on purpose! These are actual messages that the Iphone has changed with its spell checker/Auto Correct into hilarious very inappropriate (at times) messages.

If you have an Iphone or a friend who texts you from one, then you may find this site as funny as I did! They update regularly so I will be bookmarking and reading daily just to get my laughter (crack like, its addicting) fix!

So if you have a few minutes and could use a good laugh, click on over and read a few...http://damnyouautocorrect.com/ ENJOY, and Happy Holidays!!!

Now for some blog hopping.....

...Sanity Optional

I survived the invasion of teens into my home! I am a teen sleepover survivor mom! There were a few close calls and a couple of times I thought my husband may take out a loud mouthed, over bearing, opinionated teen...but we survived and without any injuries!

You know this is going to make me sound old and possibly uncool, but when did cell phones become a vital teen organ? (I will admit our teens have phones and even though I had really good reasons for equipping them with said phones, there are times when I want to smack the phones right off their faces!) There was one girl, ONE, who was without cellular attire. Out of the 15 or so (I lost count) teens in our house last night and this morning only one didn't have a cell phone.

We have the data blocked and MMS (picture and video sending) blocked on our girls phones. We have unlimited texting (thankfully) but I just don't want to get into any situation where someone sends a picture and it becomes 'bad' and the data (Internet basically) just costs too much to have on their phones. Why do they need that when they have computers?

We have very strict rules in our home for cell phones (even for the adults), like no phones at the dinner table. That means no phones on the table, in your pocket, or within earshot really. I tried to enforce these rules last night and got all gasps and oh my gawwds! I even threatened to have them all put their phones in a big jar at one point. (one of the girls gasped, giggled, and then said, "it would sound like a jar full of bees buzzing"! That was hilarious and true!)

So a few movies, a lot of food, some video games, lots of plates and cups, more food, a few presents, and most of my sanity later - WE SURVIVED! (by the way the coolest thing all night was watching 4 girls at a time do the Wii Just Dance 2 game, one of the guests brought it from home to share. It looked like a choreographed small flash mob in my living room! We are going to have to go buy that game for Christmas!)

We had 2 jackets and a pair of pants left behind (not all from the same girl), only one Christmas ornament broken, and my daughter Toria lost her cell phone somewhere in the house. Not a bad total, all things considered.

Later this afternoon as I lay down on the couch (worn out) to watch football with my husband, the cushion under my head vibrated...found the lost phone! When I brought it to Toria, she lifted her head off her pillow (coming out of her sleep-over coma momentarily) and said "thanks Mom, your the best" and fell back to sleep immediately.

So, I gotta say (even though my husband will cringe) It was all worth it and I would do it all again! I should have my sanity back before the next one...right?!

Why? Note to self...

How about some random whys and notes to self...? Oh, why not?! Whys are fun...right? (whether they are or not I am still gonna do them)

Why is it 17 degrees outside without snow? I love it when it snows. I am not a big fan of driving in it, shoveling it, getting cold and wet, or having it tracked through my house by my kids but it is so pretty and just doesn't seem like Christmas without a blanket of white outside.

Note to self, leaving the baby wipes in the car isn't a good idea. When we got in the car yesterday I needed a wipe to clean off my son's sticky hand. So when I picked up the bag of frozen wipes and smacked myself with them (due to the momentum because they were heavier than I estimated) I realized that they were an entire block or brick of wipes!

Why is laundry so dang hard to complete? No matter how much time I spend sorting, washing, drying, folding, and putting away I still have an enormous pile in my bedroom of everyone elses clothes! Maybe I should limit the kids to 2 outfits a week...you know, hey don't get that dirty you are wearing it all week! LOL, ok maybe not but it would help the piles in my room.

Why did I drink wine while I was doing my Christmas cards? Ok, I know why I did so maybe this is more of a note to self...I'm just not so sure I thought it all the way through. I hope I didn't send some people 2 cards and hopefully I didn't say anything inappropriate!

Why wasn't I more careful ordering cell phone cases for my twin daughters twin phones? Now I will have to send back the first order. Why? Because I ordered cases for the Samsung Solstice and not the Samsung Solstice II's. And why don't they have cute stuff for newer phones? Why do they have to be old to get the different colors and prints in the accessories?

And while I am at it for the covers...why would Otterbox not have the Ipod Touch 4 cases out yet? So I am supposed to be okay with the new thing getting trashed and then get a protective cover? Yeah, sure protecting one that is already scratched or has been dropped multiple times makes perfect sense to me!

Why is my kitchen floor always such a mess! Having a dog to run around after my messy kids sounds pretty great about now, but we have asthma issues! So my sisters floor will always be cleaner than mine! I think a drain in the kitchen floor like in restaurants is a great idea! I can't exactly add one to my kitchen, but I can dream about just hosing the damn floor down!

Why can't the twins be too old for a sleep-over birthday party? How am I going to survive 20 13 year old girls all in one place (my house)? They talked about having separate parties for awhile, but they have some friends that they share and we already moved their birthday since the actual day was the day before Thanksgiving. I will not be entertaining them! Toria asked me what we were going to do at her party this morning. I said you get to eat, have cake, open presents, watch movies, and then hopefully sleep! Thats it. And I mean it! Notice that there is no line about time for fighting and girls being mean to each other? I have allotted no time for such things so I expect everyone to be nice and sweet! Yeah, I know I am out of my freakin mind!

Why isn't my tree decorated yet? Its been up for over a week. Oh..oh... I know, I can have the teen girls decorate it! Ha Ha...of course I will have to drop that "I must control everything and it must be perfect" crap if I am going to have them do it. Hmmm...I guess we will have to see how I am feeling. (Is it inappropriate to drink wine while other peoples teen girls are in my home? My husband will be here and although he will probably be hiding, he will be sober. I need feedback on that one!)

Why does my nose get so cold? Everything else on me is warm and normal, but my nose is freezing! Why? The thermostat says its 70 degrees in here. Is there a different climate around my nose?

Why do home builders design homes with the heating/cooling vents underneath the windows? Not only are we losing heat thru the windows (even though they are insulated and all that) but my curtains poof up when the heater comes on and then they don't lay flat. Its kinda annoying. (And don't even get me started on the vents themselves...I have a 2 year old boy! Enough said on that.)

Why does Jessie like to use my computer so much when she has one of her own in her room? And why did I let her use mine when I was mid-post with this? And why would she close all the windows so I forgot I was in the middle of posting?

Only changes since I started this post three days ago, my tree is decorated. I will be starting my Christmas baking as soon as this Birthday party is done. After my hang over is gone of course. So my next question...do I let my husband wrap my new stand mixer or do I use it right away for Christmas baking?

To recap the questions I would like input on...drinking (on the down low) with a house full of teens if my husband stays sober and the mixer...wrap or use?

Best Christmas Movie Ever!!!

If you haven't watched it...your missing out! Laugh outloud funny even the 99th time watching!!!!

Merry Chritsmas!

A lot has happened since Black Friday, a lot of nothingness

So since Black Friday I haven't written anything. I have been on the computer, searching and stressing that each and every item we are spending our money on is in fact the best price and deal. Its exhausting to be so concerned! I am almost out of my Lorazapam!

I stood in line for 2.5 hours inside Walmart for one of my daughters gifts. Yes 2.5 hours! The line didn't move for the first 1.5 at all. We had no idea if we would even get the item we were waiting for (I don't want to say on the off chance she decides today is the day to start reading mommy's blog). The big deal was the $50 gift card that came with the purchase. The woman in front of me kept going on and on how none of us were going to get one, they would run out before we ever got close, we were just wasting our time in line. Well me, being me, I'd had enough at hour 1.8 and I said to her. "look we are all hoping for the same thing and we have all been in this line for the same amount of time, would it kill you to try to think positively about getting one? How about you think positive and in the event you don't get one you can bitch up a storm about it? (I am thinking at least then I won't have to listen to it). She sighed, apologized. and agreed. Ten minutes  later I snagged the department manager walking by and gave him a lovely and kind earful about some kind of count for us, so the ones who couldn't get one could go shopping for other things. You know I was really surprised. Not only did he do a count, close off the line, and stay at the back of the line for the remainder of the event, he also checked in with the front counter frequently on his radio (and told them multiple times to quit the chit chat and move the line along. Loved this guy!) Turns out two people behind me were the last to get this item. So the woman in front of me got one too. I have to give her props though. She did turn to me with a huge smile and said "you were right! I am so sorry for being so negative. It just seems like nothing is working out for me this year. Thanks for snapping me out of the negative." Ahhh, positive thinking again prevails. It was a good 20 minutes before she started going on and on about how he could have counted wrong. But it all turned out well. Got what I wanted for my daughter and used the 50$ gift card for another gift for another child.

I found the coolest Christmas present to ship to my nephew in California online at Amazon at a ridiculous price, but first I had to ask my sister about his weight and such things. So I left her a message and since she too has a life, by the time she was able to get back to me (same day) and I went to finalize the order BAM price had gone up $29! Holy dirty diapers batman!
After 3 days of searching high and low I finally found the same item for only 10$ more and free shipping. I refuse to pay shipping! Yes I want my cake and to eat it too! Which brings me to the next item..

Why? Why would you advertise free shipping and then charge it on some items? I will give you the minimum purchase of whatever set dollars, that's fine. But to have random items that just don't qualify pisses me off. (I am not talking about something that weights 100-200lbs, we are talking toys!)
The two retailers that pissed me off the most this week were : Target online and Toys r us online.
Target gets the #1 crappy service award though.

How about when you order something and the site gives you a shipping date range with  arrival date range, you actually stick to that? What is it with Target sending you emails 5-7 days after your order telling you the dates have changed?  Usually on part of the order not all of it. I recently earned a $15 gift card from Target Online for enduring some idiot in customer service who told me that I was stupid for not being able to read the shipping/arrival date information. This is a long story- so the highlights are; my husbands new office chair ordered 2 weeks before we needed it (for his birthday), arrival date from Target was 11-22 (cool perfect). Then I started getting those emails saying it would be later. So on 11-22 I called, I was told it had not shipped yet. It was still in processing and was to be shipped 11-24. Then the stupid stuff happened and I was a very angry Target guest. After all that: the chair arrived on 11-23 (and I am the stupid one, since it hadn't left the warehouse yet) so I let it all go. I got the chair and a $15 gift card. Whatever. Now I am feeling it all over again. Why did I order anything with them after that? I have no rational answer to that.

We got our Christmas tree up. It isn't decorated yet, but its up. The stockings are hung by the chimney with care. And of course my adorable son pulled one down on him (bringing the stocking holder with it down on his cute little face). Poor guy. He is ok, but I don't think he will do that again.

We welcomed someone new to our home. Smidge as the children named him, has taken up residency for the Holiday season.  He is our 'Elf on the Shelf'. If you haven't gotten one, I encourage you to do so with small children. He is a little creepy looking (you know that hummel doll look) but it has been great fun reading the book every day and searching for Smidge. And of course he is watching for Santa and to be quite honest in this stressfull (although wonderful) season I can use all the help I can get!You can even go online and register him at the North Pole. It is quite cute.
My Christmas cards are mostly done. Aside from those people who I guess really don't want one because they wont send me their new mailing address!

My husbands birthday was last week. His mother called him, I am assuming to wish him a happy birthday, but somehow managed to stir it up big time with him. Apparently due to the fact we do not believe the same way she does and do not regularly attend Sunday church services not only are we Godless and raising our children horribly, but we also do not appreciate the season for what it is (being Godless and all) so she will not be sending the children Christmas presents this year. Wait...let it sink in for a minute. Then say with me, "WTF"?
Not only is she completely wrong (about the Godless and season stuff) but she seems to have some spare time on her hands which she is filling with the Big Guys job...Judgement. I am in now way interested in this becoming a religious debate, trust me. I am just floored she would say and do such a thing. Wow, bet your mother-in-law isn't sounding so annoying now huh?

Do you know how hard it is to buy presents for 4 girls? Not just buy them presents, but make it even as well? They aren't exactly easy to buy for in the first place. I have piles in my closet of each ones Christmas spoils. And not just from Mom and Dad. My grandmother and my mother send us money to buy gifts for them (which I can understand because its hard). The boy is easy! Toys! Noisy, happy, new toys! But the girls, even the 7 year old, have begun the ascension from toys to real world stuff. Its hard! It drives me absolutely crazy! I start to worry, will she like this, what if she likes her sisters gift more? Did I buy the right thing for the right one? Are they gonna have to swap presents Christmas morning?
I got lists from them. They all sat down and wrote a letter to Santa with their little sister Haley. But how come one week they want this item and then a week later it is something completely different? So I have anxiety over the gifts we have purchased our children.

My husband...well his was going to be difficult...and then he saw it. Brand new Pool table at a ridiculous price. He convinced me of the family play time (which 3 of the 5 kids will love) and suddenly shopping for him was done. Oh and in the plus side that means he has to clean up the basement! HA HA...No more boxes and random crap. Make it a space we will want to be in. Bonus for me.

Now the biggest anxiety I have had is over the gift from my husband to me. When you are dating someone its easy to want a nice huge expensive gift, its not your money. But married, no matter how badly you want something the money part stares you in the face. My mother made me promise not to spend the money she sent on bills. Ok. So with a high anxiety level my husband is on the way home with my gift for Christmas/and some others in the house too...and elliptical exercise machine.
I don't have time to go to a gym (especially when they are over 20 minutes away) but in my room, while the TV is on, and my son is taking his nap..that's when I will get my tush on it and get some exercise. It is exciting but holy dirty diapers batman a big investment. (I have really bad migraines and recently suffered a mini stroke and spent 3 days in the hospital for it. I am fine but need to start exercising more.) (Can I tax deduct that?)

So we are done shopping. I have some shipping to do, some Christmas Cards to finish (ecch-umm), and a tree to decorate. And then let the Holiday baking commence!

Now, as for next weekend....CHAOS!!! The twins turned 13 week or so ago. Their birthday is so close to Thanksgiving we always move the party date so they can have friends over. I was really hopping that they were past the whole sleepover thing...but sadly no. They did however agree to have one party (phewww). 4 boys were invited with specially written invites for a 10pm mandatory parent pick up and the other 16 girls are invited to sleepover. As much as I would love the girls to have an awesome party with all their friends, I can't help but hope 1/3 to 1/2 won't be able to come.
Tacos have been requested as food (which is a nice change from Pizza, but is just a bit more work) and Vampires Suck and Eclipse will be the evenings entertainment. Cake for dessert (Thank you Costco), and I am wondering if I will get any sleep at all? Do I really need to plan any activities for 13 year old girls? I am thinking they will just want us to leave them alone. Which is fine with me (after the boys go home of course).

And one last vent...I am very disappointed in the weather. Yesterday we had a 80% chance of snow showers. I got excited! I love it when it snows. I do enjoy Virginia for the seasons. We get all 4 so even with a heavy snowy winter it only lasts for a short time and then on to spring. Well there were some random flakes here and there but no...no snow showers! I would like to put my order in now for a White Christmas, thank you!

I hope everyone else has had as much fun in the last week or so but with less stress! Since I am done shopping I forsee more time to actually blog about thoughtful and entertainging subjects. So don't give up on me yet!