Have you ever been somewhere and there is a mom there with her kids, she is talking all hushed and sweet, saying things like "Honey, please don't hit your brother. Sweetie, we don't throw rocks". And all of a sudden you start to see the anger boiling behind her eyes? Her kids aren't listening to her at all, she is trying so hard to be polite, not draw attention to herself or children, but at the same time trying to get their attention to behave? She starts to squeeze her fists shut, she is a little flushed now, and she is taking slow deep breathes...you've seen her right? Yeah, that WAS NOT me! I don't pretend to be something I am not, it is just too much work and to be honest I am too damn tired to try and pretend.
I yell. I am a yelling Mom. I grew up with a mom who yelled, although she didn't yell as much as I do. Does that mean I am a newer, better version of her? Wait, no! I am not my mother. My mother only had 2 kids. So of course she yelled less. Yeah, that's it.(Sorry, had a moment there).
When I first started dating my husband, I knew that yelling bothered some people. So I think it was on our 3rd date I asked him very nicely, "Does it bother you when people yell at their kids?" He said, "No, put them in their place. There's nothing wrong with yelling at your kids". Well, whew! He's a keeper! (there are many, many more reasons he's a keeper but this certainly helped.)
Well, I only had 3 kids back then. Most of the yelling I did then was for shear volumes sake, 3 kids can be very loud. Hey, I am not saying its the best choice or the most responsible parenting style. But if you are a perfect parent...well then, you are reading the wrong blog! As a wonderful blogging mom put it "To you I say solemnly, we can't be friends. I have parenting esteem issues as it is". http://threeinthebed.typepad.com/my-blog/ (seriously she is funny).
So flash forward to us now, we have 5 kids. I no longer work outside the home and do not have a live-in for childcare and housework. I no longer get to relax in an adult environment 8-10 hours a day (you know where you can have complete conversations without being interrupted by a child- if you have never worked outside the home, it may be easier for you to not know what that's like). I am home with 5 kids all day, every day. And on top of all that those adorable little girls that were so loud back then, well they are teenagers now. Not as adorable and much louder to be quite honest. (I love them dearly and am proud that they can express their opinions- just do it to someone else please.)
So, 5 kids are obviously louder than 3 kids. I don't have any outlets to release the stress of 5 kids. So, I yell. (I don't yell all the time. I am not a screaming banshee or anything. And for the most part, I am not angry when I yell. It really is for the volume.) When the situation requires volume to control, I yell.
We have a 3 story house (basement, main, and upper). Sometimes I yell so they can hear me, where they are. I have 3 teenaged girls, sometimes I yell just to break up the fight. And of course there is that 'no one is listening to me and I have been talking for 10 minutes' yell. (That one usually has some anger involved.)
That little "discussion" my husband and I had on our 3rd date is brought up, by me, A LOT! Why? Because he complains about all the yelling. I tell him, "hey, I asked you years ago if yelling bothered you. You said no. This isn't something I hid from you for years and then all of a sudden just started doing". Which he usually rolls his eyes to and says something to the effect "I didn't know you meant that much yelling".
It's time we stop worrying what other people may think. SuperMom I am not. My house isn't always clean, dinner is not always on time, my kids don't always get to bed on time, there are clean and dirty piles of laundry in MY room, and I yell. If my kids need therapy someday because I yelled, well then I will probably yell at them and say "Oh come on! My mom yelled at me and I am just fine!" I love my children and am the best mom I can be for them.
So if you are one of those moms who is trying so hard not to yell in public and you find yourself making fists, let go...yell! You may even get some applause (if I'm there, you will)!