Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The Mommy Wars

On Tuesday my son had a horrible dentist appointment and I told our story as I was sitting in the waiting room, powerless. I stated I was/am angry that I didn't know my baby should have his teeth wiped or brushed after nursing and that falling asleep nursing was bad for his teeth.

I got some comments, boy did I. I got some great comments from Moms who were like me and didn't know, Moms who were grateful for the information on nursing and on baby going to the dentist at age 1 instead of age 2. But I also got the 'mommy war' comments. Oddly enough all of the 4 comments I got that were negative were anonymous. (You say a lot when you say it anonymously.)

Well it got me thinking about my personal views and how little I share my opinions. I am a big believer that we each should have our own choice and right to make those choices. Yes, that means I am pro-choice (but that's not what I meant by own choices). But its not because I am anti-life, I just don't think our government should be involved. Now before you give me the pro-life vs pro-choice speech and try to correct me please understand that it is very important to me to respect other peoples beliefs and opinions. We each have the right to our own opinions and beliefs. We also each have our own reasons for believing the way that we do. Even if you disagree with someone else you can still be respectful and considerate. In turn I expect others to treat me with the same respect and consideration. (Even on the big ones like religion, political, life/choice, etc).

I think we tend to get wrapped up in why we believe a certain way and forget that other people have good reasons for why they believe the way they do as well. Every life experience we have pushes us one way or another. It is rare to find anyone with more than a few of the same life experiences we each have had. Most people aren't interested in sharing their life histories with others so that we can understand why they believe the way they do. And who can blame them? There are plenty of experiences in my life that I don't want to talk about to my closest friends and those are the ones that have shaped who I am the most. So if we all can take a step back and just remind ourselves that the person we completely disagree with probably has a very valid reason and life history that has molded what their beliefs and opinions are, then I think we have a greater chance of being a more caring and understanding person.

With that said, I am going to take a leap of faith and type out how I specifically feel on some very controversial subjects (and some not so controversial). Here are a few of my standings on such things:

Pro

Nursing (vs formula fed)

Co-sleeping

Sex education (which helps prevent needing to make the "choice")

Bearing Arms (although I also am very strict on how firearms are stored in regards to children and safety- My daddy is a retired sheriff, I grew up around guns.)

Choice (with extensive education on alternatives) I have always chosen life, but I don't want any bureaucrat telling me what I can and cannot do

Separation of Church and State

Alcohol

Adoption

Public (discreet) nursing

Co-Parenting (even if mom and dad are divorced, children deserve both parents to be active in their lives)

Anti:

Corporal punishment in children (ie, spanking, washing mouths out with soap, saucing, etc)

Health care profits (I sincerely believe all health care should be non-profit, no one should profit from the illness of another)

Physical Violence

Big Government

Bullying

Judging (unless you are on a jury, its not our jobs to judge those around us)

Emotional child manipulation [abuse] (best example is when mom and dad are getting a divorce and use the children against each other and don't even see the pain they are causing their children)

Using food to control anyone (especially children). I have a list of Food rules I came up with while I worked full time and had nanny's taking care of my children.



Those are the ones I can think of right now. There are of course things that don't fall into a category of for or against. Religion is a big one. My religious preferences and beliefs are something I keep very private. I had a very unpleasant experience with my ex-husbands church members (Seventh Day Adventist) in California. So I guess you could say I am a little gun shy when it comes to sharing my religious preferences. It is always shocking to me how judgemental people (who proclaim to be non-judgemental) can be. But that is a whole other story/post/subject.

Anyway, in regards to my post earlier this week, I very pro-nursing. I have nursed all my babies. I was very lucky to be able to easily. I have a lot of sincere sympathy for those who had difficulties nursing their babies. However, at the same time I don't judge moms who chose to bottle feed their babies.

[With one exception...if you chose not to nurse your children because you wanted to preserve your lovely breasts and didn't want your baby to ruin them (you may giggle and say who does that, but my ex-sister in law did just that and was very verbal about it) then I think your a selfish woman. But aside from that, everyone has their reasons for what they do.]

I provoked what one of my readers called "the mommy wars" by being angry that there is no education in regards to possible tooth decay with nursing. I had one person share links that 'prove' breast milk can not cause decay and was told by the same person I was going to cause hysteria. Wow. Really?

All I want is someone to make a flyer that is put in those bags we get when we go to the OB/GYN and the ones we get when we come home from the hospital with our new baby. A flyer that says, "Babies who fall asleep nursing have a high chance of developing tooth decay. To prevent decay and promote healthy habits in the future, wipe your babies gums and teeth off after nursing." And to mention its important to take your child to the dentist at 1 year of age. Its a quick and easy appointment more for introducing your child to the dentist and a quick check to make sure there are no problems with babies teeth.


I don't think that I am discouraging nursing or causing hysteria by saying that or by what I said last Tuesday.



23 comments:

  1. Great post. I think you are so correct in that we often forget other people believe things the way they do and we do the way we do. It goes with the saying "You do you, I'll do me". Hopping in off the train. Happy Tuesday. New follower.

    BK

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  2. I like your post. I don't think people should be voicing there opinion if they aren't man/woman enough to not to it anon. I'm a new GFC follower from Friends Just Click. http://www.grandmasguidetolife.blogspot.com

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  3. Excellent Post. Popping over from the BlogHop and following :)
    http://www.shrinking-jeans.blogspot.com

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  4. I agree with you on pretty much all of this. We should be able to form our own opinions, parent (responsibly) in our own way, etc. And if people don't agree, they can go read someone else's blog!

    Here from Blog it Forward Tuesdays - am your newest follower. Hope to see you at Dropped Stitches.

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  5. Let me tell you that your previous post was so informative but I have known about nursing rot from a parenting book. However, I never have formed that habit of wiping my baby's mouth and gum after nursing until now! (Please don't judge me.)

    I had been reading your post for quite awhile. I think you are funny, smart and very articulate. In no way you have caused hysteria.

    I think, these 'Anonymous' Comment Authors were disrespectfully using your platform to advocate on their opinion, which is really annoying actually.

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  6. Following from the GFC hop!
    Would love a follow back at my blog, Mom Always Finds Out.
    http://momalwaysfindsout.com
    Thanks!
    Nicole

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  7. Thanks for joining Good Friends Just Click! I'm GFC following. Hope to see you next week!


    www.mamalovesherbargains.com

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  8. How adre you have an opinion :) lol

    It always ticks me off when people act all big and stay anonymous. Its fine to give me your opinion, but stand up to it... ya know.

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  9. I think when one posts a comment there should be a way to communicate with that person especially when the comment accuses the blogger (or whoever) of causing hysteria. When they comment anonymously they take that choice away and are able to just leave their opinion and accusations and run with it, thereby causing huh HYSTERIA! Its just another way of trolling and it happens to the best of us! I am very similar to a lot of the things you listed being pro or against. I feel especially strong about gun laws. I grew up with guns in my house too and I to this day cannot tell you where they were stored nor recall one time I ever saw a gun that was not being directly controlled by my father. Honestly I could have walked into a room with a gun on the table and not even considered touching it, it never happened but if it did I was raised to respect weapons for what they are and to have a healthy fear of ever touching one without permission.

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  10. I found you on the Tag Back Tuesdays. I am your newest GFC follower. If you could check out my blog and follow me back I would appreciate it. Thanks Amber
    http://dragonflysweetnest.blogspot.com/

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  11. Very well written. I find it interesting how different pediatrician /dentist views are on the subject of when a child should have their first dental visit. It seems to vary quite a bit. I also have teens and a toddler =) New follower here from good friends just click hop. Would love a follow back at
    http://livingatthewhiteheadszoo.blogspot.com/

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  12. **applause**

    while i don't agree on a few, kudos for voicing your stand. It's too bad we all get so caught up in "i'm right, so you must be wrong." why can't we all just be right??

    Thanks for riding the train today!
    The Survival Mama

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  13. Thanks for participating in the Good Friends Click Blog Hop! I'm already follow you! Just stopping by to say hi.

    Janel
    http://www.amomstake.com

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  14. Following from Thirsty Thursday. Please come follow me at http://preciouscupcakes.blogspot.com :) I have a $25 Jo-Ann's gift card giveaway going on right now :)

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  15. I adore your blog! The black and white layout to the pic at the bottom of the screen. Oh, and your touching words. I will definatly be coming back.

    www.threegnomes.blogspot.com

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  16. Hi there. A friend of mine found your blog and shared it with me. I don't know how to get a hold of you, but was so excited to read your blog! I'd love to talk with you. I just moved to Virginia and I have 5 kids and my oldest was diagnosed with Type 1 four years ago. I own a jewelry business called Crimson Clover (you can find me on Facebook) and I do a lot of work for the JDRF. My email is tia1971@att.net. I'd love to talk with you more. Thanks for all you do!!
    xoxo
    tia

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  17. Newbie follower here! :)

    http://justasmalltownmommy.blogspot.com

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  18. Hey sister, we are on the same page for the most part on the pros and cons. We could be BFF's before we know it.

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  19. I applaud you for standing by your beliefs so openly. and i also agree with a lot of them.
    regarding tooth decay and nursing- as far as i can tell, with all of the women that i have known who have nursed or bottle fed- tooth decay really seems to have a genetic predisposition. i have 3 i nursed exactly the same way, same brushing habits, and only one had really bad teeth. a very neurotic tooth brushing friend had one of her childrens 4 front teeth pulled due to decay. it seems very subjective- so don't beat yourself up over it, you may have not been able to prevent it anyway.

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  20. Why leave an abusive comment annonamously, that is a cowards way to comment.

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  21. I came from FMBT and I'm so glad I've found your blog! I appreciate so much your honesty. It's so easy to be afraid of alienating people that we hide our true feelings and opinions. I'm glad I know about the rick of nursing and then not wiping baby's teeth. I plan to breastfeed my future children, although that may be a long way off.
    I also agree with a lot of your pro and con list. I've always said that i personally would never choose to abort a healthy child but that doesn't give me the right to dictate what others can or can't do.
    Following you now.

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  22. I have to be totally honest. I read the first couple of sentences and thought, " Um, duh...How can anyone not know about this? Everyone knows to wipe a baby's gums, right?"
    And then I kept reading. And kept falling in love with what you were writing. And here I am, at the end...totally guilty of judging you based on one sentence!
    I'm new here and didn't read the original post. I was only going off of this and I was acting like a total asshat.
    I think it's incredibly brave of you to make this list. It's very, very difficult to make even a small statement about things we agree or disagree with. Because, someone, somewhere is going to disagree and think that your differing opinion is an attack at them. When...it isn't! It's just your opinion!
    PS...wtf is up with saucing? I didn't even know people did that till I saw some jerk mom do it on DR. Phil! How someone can hurt and belittle their babe like that is beyond me!

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  23. I was never told about that and I nursed all 3 of my kids. Great post!

    New followers from Tailspin Hop!


    Lori
    http://chroniclesofacrazymom.blogspot.com/

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