Ready to Lighten Up...

As I lay in bed unable to sleep, even though my eyelids are droopy and my body is exhausted, I realized after reading over my last few entries that I am starting to become negative and boring. And although my life is stressful and hectic and chaotic, it is also fraught with humor and happiness. I have no intention of becoming that blogger who only vents the crazy stressful and negative stuff that burns out the frayed nerve endings firing in my brain causing actual pain and disgust.

I love to laugh and I sincerly appreciate reading blogs of those who are honest, sincere, and most importantly make me laugh out loud! My favorite moments in life are the ones that cause milk to shoot out my nose followed by coughing and wheezing because I did that honest snort laugh that I was completely unprepared for! What the hell happened to that lady? (I use the term lady very losely, as its pretty rare to see milk shooting out of the nose of a 'lady'. I could be wrong though, maybe the Queen of England enjoys a good milk snort?)

So, here I am, sleep deprived and cranky...but channeling all the energy I have left into lightening things up and doing my best to see the humor in the chaos bubble.

Lets start with one of the random, funny, and chaos lined things happening in our lives and see how that goes, shall we:

We were at Home Depot the other day. I was pacing back and forth trying to ignore all the electrical advice my husband was getting from the certified electrician who chooses to work for 1/5 the pay at Home Depot. (I wanted to ask, because I am a curious bitch, but I refrained.) My husband'e eyes were lit up like a kid at Christmas. I gave up pacing and just let him plan and play. My only two requests; 1. Please don't electricute yourself dear, and 2. Please don't burn the house down. (We have homeowners insurance and medical insurance, so stop freaking out already! No, no I am not talking to you. I am talking to me.) Anyway, to distract myself I started looking at all the wonderful outdoor furniture and furnishings. I sat in this chair and then that chair, I played with cushions in this chair and rocked in that one over there. And then I found this great Gazebo. I wanted it immediatly. So when my husband was done with his happy time planning the wiring of our basement we bought it (along with all those electrical supplies he needed).
We have had a couple of really nice weather days, but it also snowed once. What the hell? It snowed after we had two days of 70+ degree weather. So, the box with the Gazebo is still in the back of my husbands truck. I have been thinking and planning a way to put up this gazebo. You know get that nice outdoor carpet from Costco that is super cheap (because who wants to deal with dirt outside), I have been looking on Craigs list for comfortable outdoor furniture that isn't $2,000, and planning in my mind some relaxing time to be spent in our lovely backyard. And then boom, we have another couple of 70+ degree days, its beautiful outside, the trees are blooing, everything is getting pretty and green, and then it happens. IT happens. And when IT happened I realized something. I don't like being outside. I don't want to go out there. And you can't make me.

Now you are probably asking yourself what IT could be. What could possibly take this lovely lady (again using the term lady, snort) from planning and excitment to forget it, not happening? Well I will tell you, BUGS. Not just bugs, but bugs that bite and sting and chase and terrorize. Wasps, wasps happened. In two days we went from lovely warmth to what the holy hell is that? Oh, Shit! Close the door!!! You know that crazed adrenaline feeling you get when you are just sure the wasps have begun attack formation and are coming at you?

Now I will admit I have never been a bug person. I don't run screaming cowering in a corner until a big strong man can come save me from the big bad bugs. I grew up in a pretty rural area and we had animals and plenty of bugs. However, apparently we had California bugs. I like California bugs. California bugs are those bugs that while they may have the annoying job of bugging you to do, they are also very concerned with their size and appearance (as most Californians are). Here in Virginia, we have scary southern humidity bugs. Bugs that seem to have fallen into a vat of nuculear waste of some kind and have developed super buggy powers along with super buggy size. In our bedroom I can see through the (closed) white blinds the wasps buzzing around trying to build their nest. You can actually see their shape and size through closed blinds!

My husband is fearless when it comes to bugs. He has no problems standing less than 10 feet from a new wasp nest during the middle of the day and is more than happy to spray that sucker down with wasp killer. Not me, nope. As a matter of fact I would appreciate you letting me know dear, when you plan to do these things so I can go lock myself (with the baby) in the bathroom. Just in case any scary, radio active, super sized, freshly bug sprayed wasps get into the house and decide to seek out that bitch who bought all that wasp killer and bite the shit out of her. (If everything is really bigger in Texas, I sure as shit am not visiting there, ever!!! I'm just saying.)

But this is me trying to lighten up and relax. So I guess I will call the big buggy exterminators and see how much they will charge to rid my life and home of these mutant wasps. I will try, I just have this feeling that I will be spending my time inside again this year. (Meanwhile, can't you just picture me and the baby sitting on the bathroom floor playing?)

(on a side note, since I am lightening up, I gave up on trying to get my spell check to work. So I apologize for the spelling errors that are probably rampant throughout this post.)